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Well, isn't it perfect how things don't work out?
Ya know, college really blows so far. Yeah, i just wanted to type it out for real now, cause i have just lied to everyone and myself saying that i was having so much fun and loved so much. I hate that i am still at home no matter how cool my mom is and no matter that i have no rules or anything. I hate driving 30 minutes to school. I hate that all my new friends, no matter how fun they are, no matter how much healthier they are for me rather than the person i left back in high school, all have signifigant others and expect me to have someone i am either trying to catch or that i am crying over. I hate that even at work everyone is dating someone(mostly other people at walgreens...it fucking makes me sick). I hate that my brother fucking asks girls out on dates and i haven't been asked in a hell of a long time. i hate where i am right now. I hate that i am so sad right now that i can't bring myself to do my homework. AND I really hate that people always say "well you should be glad you aren't dating, you can focus on school and work and focus on success." To tell the truth, i have no fucking clue what i want right now. I don't know if i want to be at STLCOP, i don't know who i want as friends, i don't know if i want to be a pharmacist. I HATE not knowing. It drives me to craziness(which you have figured out if you made it this far in the entry)
Ya know, college really blows so far. Yeah, i just wanted to type it out for real now, cause i have just lied to everyone and myself saying that i was having so much fun and loved so much. I hate that i am still at home no matter how cool my mom is and no matter that i have no rules or anything. I hate driving 30 minutes to school. I hate that all my new friends, no matter how fun they are, no matter how much healthier they are for me rather than the person i left back in high school, all have signifigant others and expect me to have someone i am either trying to catch or that i am crying over. I hate that even at work everyone is dating someone(mostly other people at walgreens...it fucking makes me sick). I hate that my brother fucking asks girls out on dates and i haven't been asked in a hell of a long time. i hate where i am right now. I hate that i am so sad right now that i can't bring myself to do my homework. AND I really hate that people always say "well you should be glad you aren't dating, you can focus on school and work and focus on success." To tell the truth, i have no fucking clue what i want right now. I don't know if i want to be at STLCOP, i don't know who i want as friends, i don't know if i want to be a pharmacist. I HATE not knowing. It drives me to craziness(which you have figured out if you made it this far in the entry)
I'm not clinically messed, i just don't know how i manage to put myself in the same fucking bad situations time and time again. How the hell can one person cause this much pain to themself? For real...
i need a hug and a "it's gonna all work out",
~Erin
2004-11-20 - Whew! almost to Thanksgiving!
2004-10-24 - WARNING: I am really fucking sad right now...this is not gonna be interesting to anyone
2004-10-13 - Midterm Blues
2004-09-16 - what? nothing to even read??
2004-09-03 - Crash